Toils and Tantrums

It's funny how 2016 has become worse than 2015 in less than 2 months. Is this a shared feeling or is just because I have my GCSEs this year, I just had parents' evening, and I have 2 days to make it up to my parents about my 'dismal' results before I go to Berlin on a school trip. Well lets put it this way, my dad rarely ignores me.

Since I do have Berlin on Saturday, I most likely wont upload a video until the end of next week, but I do have a video filmed for Life of a Misfit (my group channel) however it still needs editing.

I really haven't been in the mood to do anything recently and I haven't felt like this for almost a year. Everything is worrying me, I can't listen to music without thinking that I am wasting my life away.

I'm going to see Deadpool on Friday for my friend's birthday, that will probably cheer me up, also I am going to Berlin on Saturday.

To be honest, I don't know how to cope. Everyone keeps talking about how I need to build up a stamina, work a bit, then a bit more, then a bit more, but I just can't. I don't have the attention span, I can't focus. I always feel like everything is moving. I feel like I have a constant head rush, like I have just spun round really fast, or I just ran a marathon, or I stood up to fast. But in reality I am lying down, my chest is pumping too fast and I am typing this. I feel like there is a solid wall coming towards me and I have to climb over it but the thing is, I have no upper body strength. I can't pull myself up, apparently I need to get stamina, which means repetition, which, to me, is the dullest thing on the planet.

My eyes are tired, I am drained. Everything feels like it is in slow motion but travelling too fast.

Someone help


So this is Rachel, signing in, and signing out xx