What is your best?

Hey guys, 
So I am in the middle of my GCSEs -  which are exams you take when you are 15/16 in the UK and they define the rest of your life - and every single one of my teachers has said "you can only do your best." But what is 'my best'? I have been told from a young age that the best someone can do is 100%, perfect marks, you get taught everything, you know everything, so obviously you can answer every question.

When I was 5 I was always told I was super inteligent. I knew how to read, I knew how to count, I was put on the 'intelligent' table. However, as I grew, so did everyone else, they became just as smart and even more. Now when I don't do as well as I used to do, I am questioned. "Why aren't you achieving", "We know you can do better", "We are really disapointed". Failure has now become a fear of mine, I am terrified of being a dissapointment. I am terrified of trying out new things because I am scared that I will fail at them.

I use this fear and turn it into a joke, I have told many people that I am the 'black sheep of the family' because I am not going to Cambridge to study maths, or I haven't got straight A*.  Using a fear and turning it into humour is the way I deal with everything. No, it isn't the best way to deal with your problems, but I don't want to face them. A few months ago I failed a ballet exam, after 14 years of doing ballet I thought that I was better, I was annoyed at myself because I felt like everyone was disappointed in me. I haven't given up, only because it is so close to my heart. However, when I fail other things I have given up, for example: cello, drums, horse riding, drama, art, about 5 other musical instruments... you get the picture. I have started art again in my free time which I am glad I did! 

So when someone says "You can only do your best", what does that mean? Because if I don't achieve perfect marks, I believe that they believe I am stupid, I feel like I am underachieving, and I believe that I have lowered everyone's expectations of me. So technically my best is 'perfect', but 'perfect' is impossible, so no, I cannot achieve 'my best'. 

What do you guys think?

If you guys have any opinions on this please share them in the comments below! I will be uploading more on here and my channel soon, I promise, I just have to finish my exams! Please share this post and go check out all my social media! 

This has been Rachel, signing in and signing out xx